Recently Maureen Dowd had an article in the NY Times called What’s a Modern Girl To do (link is to the right). It describes many of the conflicting feelings I have about feminism. The Money issue. One reason I avoid dates at this point is because I prefer to avoid the agony of paying for a bill. You just know that that bill is going to come and you’re going to have to offer to pay for it (what Dowd calls “the Offering”). He knows you can pay for it. You know you can, but it is incredibly bothersome to have to think about it, and it causes enough anxiety that I would rather not go out on dates. I must admit that I have yet to meet someone who says I shouldn’t pay with “girl money” or money made by a woman.
Then there’s the whole question of marriage. Sigh. There is a whole generation of women who are successful, single and barren. (As I see my future passing before my very eyes) These women are bright, interesting, and intelligent. But have failed to find a significant other not intimidated by their success or independence. Men would prefer to marry their secretary, assistant, or some type of woman in a subordinate position - subordinate in terms of work. What’s with this power thing? Gee what a surprise that I’d rather not spend my time falling all over my husband and making sure I’m at his disposal. What’s more, what does it matter if my income is more than his? It’s all going to the same account (I hope), but it really gets down to a matter of power.
The rigid stereotypes that magazines like Cosmo and Maxim perpetuate really disturb me. When having a conversation with a guy about why I don’t like Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson, oftentimes he will flippantly mistake this notion as pure jealousy. If I was jealous, I would get my nails done like theirs, dye my hair blonde, put on a half a pound of makeup, and finally starve myself so that I might look very similar (if not exactly alike) the ideal beauty of today. No, my dear males, it is not jealousy, but it is the mere fact that I reject the stereotypes that these women embody. On the one hand, there’s nothing more noble than staying at home raising children, but it should be equally respectable to have a career in the workplace. I know plain and simple that I will never be like the poster of Jessica Simpson barely clothed with a broom in her hands and an enticing twinkle in her eyes.
And one of the more alarming statistics: A 2005 report by researchers at four British universities indicated that a high I.Q. hampers a woman’s chance to marry, while it is a plus for men. The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise.
So what is a modern girl to do?
Act stupid enough, and I might be able to snag a husband…
I think the potential problem with your statistic is that it doesn’t prove that intelligence hampers a woman’s ability to marry. Now I don’t know the specifics of the study but to prove causation you’ll need to specify an association, show time order, show nonspuriousness, specify a mechanism, and place the assocation within a context. Intelligence is a problematic measure to use because it relies on a construct (albeit a highly reliable one) that is at some basic level a knowledge test (it presupposes a certain level of world knowledge on the part of respondents).
Here are some thoughts I have in reading that:
Is it possible that smarter women simply choose to marry less due to financial and career considerations? Is it possible that the socially prescribed norm of marrying up in the world artificially limits the dating pool even for educated and intelligent women? Is it possible that men marry secrataries more than executives, not because they prefer subordinates, but because society bases the division of household labor along gender lines and males are simply looking to fill in the missing role?
Perhaps I am totally wrong here, I’m not a sociologist that is current on gender studies research, but I think those are probably worthwhile questions to ask.
That having been said, I share your revulsion towards the mediated image of an ideal female. Bony and vapid, they present an unattainable (and I would say undesirable) goal for young women that do not realize how utterly self destructive such physique and mentality is to oneself.
As an aside, it can be a tricky proposition to be a male though, especially if you are at all generous. Often women will be wary of generous overtures and reject them, even if for the giver generousity is not linked to sex of the recipient. This is not unwarranted in all circumstnaces, certainly many males prefer to be in a position of power, but between friends this can result in misunderstanding of relations (where one would not be presumed between two members of the same sex).
Well, I’ve blathered on for too long…
Comment by A Random Passerby — October 31, 2005 @ 6:29 pm
In regards to the insane notion that all family money shoud be in the same account, It is probably far healthier for your relationship if you maintain individual accounts and a joint account where you both contibute to expenses based on a percentage of earning power. That way both parties feel good about their contribution and equal in their responsibility toward the union. Of course this only works if both parties are employed and not engaged in a traditional marriage where the woman is at home and only the man works.
Thoughts from your
MOMMY
Comment by Your MOMMY — November 12, 2005 @ 5:46 pm